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What is a Healthy Boundary?
What is a Healthy Boundary?I’ve been learning the song, “This is Me” from the musical “The Greatest Showman”. I love this song as an anthem to loving one self unconditionally. However, after singing it for a bit now I am met with a few inquiries. Where do I end and where does another begin? If this is me and that is you, how do we allow each other to be amongst our strong personalities, bruises and different life experiences? Idealistically, we are all one and our differences make up a beautiful rainbow of diversity. Yet when diversity has been traumatized and reactivity is the only familiar defense the body knows, we are left with a predicament. The predicament presents us with a choice.
If no one is right and no one is wrong, we are left with the choice of who we want to spend our time with and how we want to spend our time. This choice is a boundary. A healthy boundary stems from knowing your self, knowing your strengths and knowing your weaknesses. It stems from knowing what is required to heal the trauma, and how to support yourself through the journey. A healthy boundary requires that you have a sense of witness.
Your Witness Body
The witness is that part of you that peals away from your personality and looks in with curious goggles. It can see who is thinking, who is doing and who is feeling. Without a developed witness life feels like it is on default mode. It can seem like life is happening to you. When there is not a developed witness it is easy to be in the powerless perspective of “victim”.
Developing the witness brings an invaluable tool -that of the intuition. Intuition is the gentle whisper of the Universe that gives you guidance and support from a broader perspective rather then your personality. When your intuition is clear you create your life from expanding energy of the present rather then energy from past stagnant emotional habits. It just requires one to receive, notice and choose.
Easier said than done
The challenge in all of this goes back to the reality of your past relationships. What if receiving, noticing and choosing actually creates an awareness that it is time to move on. Perhaps it is time to change a role of a relationship. What if it is becoming clear that family members are no longer serving your life? I have been there many times in my life. Each time I’ve had to establish healthy boundaries. I used the space to heal my belief systems I had in place that solidified our reality, our roles, our communication and our emotional habits with each other. Easier said then done right?
What I’ve noticed through my experiences is that it can take hours or years or there can be grace involved where there can be a quantum healing. However, regardless of the amount of time, each incident required that I make a choice for something different. Healthy Boundaries require the choice for something different, not a reaction to separate and never see each other again. A healthy boundary is a living energy of choice that can be shifted, changed or evolved. Therefore it requires presence and a daily commitment to evolve that witness.
People’s reactions
When you choose boundaries with people who are living in reactivity and who’s witness body is not developed it can be stressful. They may take the boundary as an attack. Your boundary could cause them to cut you out of their lives. These people may rip you apart and make up things to hurt you in response to their own hurt. All of this can be tender. The best way to handle people’s reaction is to stay true to you and what your intuition is guiding you toward for your greatest evolution. Perhaps their intuition will become clear and guide them toward their greatest evolution. What ever happens, behind the veil when we all leave our bodies, we become one again and let these roles go only to say HI again in the oneness that is all.
How can Reiki help with Healthy Boundaries
It’s been my experience that Holy Fire Reiki supports me in loving myself unconditionally. I’ve also noticed it supports me in loving others unconditionally even if I get triggered by them. When I receive and give Reiki on a regular basis my intuition gets clearer, I don’t hold grudges and I don’t seem to be attached to the outcome. It’s funny, when doing Reiki often, I surprise myself. Sometimes I’m waiting for my familiar behavior to show up but it doesn’t or I’m pleasantly surprised by how quickly I can let go of something where in the past it may have taken days, months or years to process and let go of.
You are an infinite brilliant being. The more consciousness you invite to your life the more healthy boundaries you may require with your self and others so you don’t become a door mat in your life. Or you may ignore the awareness and choose anti-consciousness. s I’ve experienced this often. Anti- consciousness is usually a painful path but it sure does give you a ton of clarity to eventually choose something different. LOL
Whatever you choose, It is most important to know you can never get it done and you are never right or wrong or good or bad. Life is one big experiment.
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I like how you state that healthy boundaries arise in the moment and are constantly shifting and evolving as situations and relationships evolve. I’ve found that some boundaries are more permanent decisions for this lifetime and others are more fluid. As you say, developing an ability to be present and witness yourself and others without reacting is a powerful skill that helps us see beyond the limits of our personality self and act from an expanded consciousness. Great post!