HELP! When I try to Assert Myself I Sound Angry.

Have you noticed that you are getting sick of not speaking up for yourself, only to find that when you do you seem to come across angry and aggressive?

What is up with that?

Your voice is important and if the only way you can start to have your voice back is to be a little more aggressive then intended I say


Would you be willing to not judge yourself as you embark on the journey of activating your voice?

The thing is you can always go back and say,

“Wow, that came out stronger then I intended, I guess that was important to me. What I meant to say was…”

I have some personal experience with this.  Growing up as a twin was a really fun experience yet sometimes I became the more passive one in the relationship as my sister was super creative and charismatic and I felt that going along with her program would just be more easeful.

Thru the years, as I became an adult I started to have some different opinions about things. The passive strategy I had developed as a girl wasn’t working any more!  I noticed as I started to break free of  my passive nature that I would express myself with intensity and it would not go over well.

What I noticed through the years is that people were used to me being passive and when I began to assert myself, it threw people off track.  Since speaking up was a new response there was a learning curve for both parties communicating.

Would you be willing to go through the awkward stage to have more of YOU in your life and activate your voice?

Today, I have found way more ease with expressing my different opinions and preferences and it feels really good.

A positive outcome of asserting yourself and speaking up is that you start trusting yourself more, you start being aware of the guidance that is available to you every day and you start liking yourself!  Would you like some of that?

The first step to assert yourself is to SPEAK UP.

The second step to assert yourself without sounding intense, angry and aggressive is to SPEAK UP

It is one of those moments in life where you have to practice MASSIVE IMPERFECT ACTION  to get started.

As you do, guess what happens ?  You get more and more awareness about what is happening and from there so much more choice and freedom in your life!!

ONE tool to take away today:   Light or Heavy

To know when to assert yourself and speak up, I have found this tool invaluable!

If you have a sense of butterflies or excitement and lightness follow this path for more lightness in your life;  If you have a dull heaviness you sense follow this for more of this energy.

It DOES NOT mean the lightness will always be comfortable and easy but it will lead you to alignment with your greatest self.

When I was in my late 20s I had an experience I will never forget.

My sister’s mentor and friend passed away while my sis was in India.  So I went to the memorial in my sister’s place.  It was a HUGE turnout and when I got there, there was standing room only in the back of the church.   At the end of the event they asked if anyone would like to speak.

Butterflies started whirling around in my belly and I got this giddy excitement. Although I was terrified to get up in front of about 200 strangers I felt the lightness and could not deny this opportunity to speak.

I made my way to the front weaving in and out of many people.  I told a powerful story my sister had told me about the spirit of her friend who passed being with her in India during a particularly hard time. I told this story all while literally shaking and sweating.

It wasn’t easy but the lightness it brought me as the messenger and the relief it brought to the people at the memorial, as well as my sister, was profound and palpable.

This is an example of following the lightness.

Sometimes light and heavy can be unclear.  Sometimes it can be scary to follow the lightness. Sometime the heaviness can be masked by roles and duties to seem light.

Some tools I have used to fine tune my awareness around the tool of  LIGHT and HEAVY are Reiki, Access Bars, Yoga and quiet time.   You always have this guidance but sometimes tuning yourself to it is required.

My beautiful friend, your voice matters. You are not here to get it right or be perfect . You are here to explore and express your unique expression of the greater spark of the universe. Your spark could ignite the next big change the world is waiting for!

So to recap:


and tune in to LIGHT AND HEAVY  to guide you to how, when, where and what to assert yourself with.

Know there is no right or wrong, there is just choice that creates something and you can always create something else.

Know there is always support

All the best,