We are bombarded with the terms like: Free love, love your neighbor, One love, love will save the day, love is all you need. Yet sometimes this can get confusing in our psyche. How many times have you confused romantic love with universal or true love? Love can be a very big distraction to REALLY loving your neighbor, your son, your partner or even your pet.
When does romantic love become a distraction and how does it turn into true love.
I recently had a wake up call to how much I am conditionally loving my children. Oh my God! All I wanted to do as a mother was to love my children unconditionally and love them through whatever they chose in life. With a long hard look in the mirror, I realized how judgmental my love actually was. I was not loving them unconditionally but romantically! I’ll fill you in on that story in a moment.
What is Romantic Love
First let me define Romantic love. Romantic love is any thing we can romanticize about. It doesn’t just have to be about loving your next partner. It is a love that is based in the ego’s preferences. Usually this kind of love is swayed by images from social media, movies, and love stories. Romantic love is all about a condition you put on love. It is also about an expectation that usually can’t be met.
Many times romantic love has been developed from convictions you may have around how you were treated as a child. You may swear to yourself that you will find something different in your life or do it differently. This always has a condition and a polarity to it, therefore it will always have an element of ecstasy as well as suffering to it. It will always be rooted in JUDGEMENT.
My Uncomfortable Story
Life with my two sons (15 and 12) has been nothing short of a spiritual awakening process. And if you know anything about awakening, it sometimes SUCKS LOL.
I went into parenting with a lot of ideals and convictions. All of which my boys have challenged as if their life depended on it. Perhaps it does. From experiences in my own childhood, I made it a mission to parent my children differently. This is were I set myself up for a lot of suffering. Not only was I making a demand that I show up a certain way to love my kids, I also put silent demands on my boys to be a certain way so that I would feel like a “good” mother.
This month I was brought to my knees with the awareness that I have romanticized my whole motherhood experience. I have loved my boys all this time with a love that had conditions attached to it and judgment attached to it. I found out this week that unless they are happy I feel like a “bad” mom. Unless they are polite and people think they are good people, then I am not a “good” mom. That is a lot of pressure to place on kids.
The Hard Pill to Swallow
The hardest pill to swallow is to witness what this conditional judgmental love has created in my life and my children’s life. But there is relief! I have been reading the yoga text, the Bhagavad Gita lately. It is bringing to my awareness that each human being is in a natural maturation process. This playing field of life matures the quality of love over time we are able to give and receive. Every human experience is bringing awareness to this process.; Even my “broken” parenting practices, lol , that are not broken at all because every thing contributes to the awareness process. However, once we do have awareness around the matter then it is our practice to keep choosing something different.
While each of us is on a natural maturation process, there are things you can be aware of that can help you stay conscious about this process. It can be easy to stay on an auto loop of old programming that can slow the process of developing true love – love that is unconditional, allowing and non judgmental. The old judgements you have of love are preventing you from receiving and giving true love.
Here are 3 simple tools to begin to help the process of transforming romantic love into true love:
Love yourself unconditionally: 2 -10 times a day look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I love you no matter what”. Or you can do it the way Kyle Cease does. Say to your self something that is hard to swallow about yourself, then say, “And I love that about me?”
Be present: To stay present you can pause and say to yourself on an inhale “here” and on an exhale “now.” Try 5- 10 rounds in between wanting to react. Stay present with what is happening in the moment instead of swirling into possible future scenarios or past excuses, justifications and stories. This assists with getting off the auto loop merry go round.
Get Clear:Make a list of all the ways you define love, all the ways you receive love and all the ways you resist love. Then make a list of all the judgments you notice you have of others when they don’t show up the way you have defined love as. Taking honest inventory is a great awareness tool. Awareness is the next step to making a shift.
We are all in this Together
The cool thing about this love thing is that we are all in this together. It is our experiences we have together that open us up to the possibility of awakening to true love. We need each other to see, feel and experience the contrast of each love experience to choose something different, to be aware of something different and to eventually shift into something different. Each of us is the solution to the change we are seeking on the planet and the solution to “ONE LOVE.”
I encourage you to not be a lone wolf on this journey.
You are welcome to subscribe to the Reiki and Voice personal coaching community for more tools, practices, coaching calls and classes to assist you in getting off the dizzy merry go round of conditional love. You can step into the peaceful groundedness of unconditional love.
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